How to Have a Better Sex Life ?
Sex has the power to involve all of the senses, turning us on, happening solo or with our partner, allowing us to give and to receive, and being incredibly pleasurable.
- Enjoyable sex life needs good communication — We cannot expect our partners to read our minds. It’s essential we know what we desire. Communication is directly related to our pleasure potential.
Solution: Get to know your erogenous zones, make time for solo sessions to explore every inch of your body. Feel the webbing of your fingers and toes, trace your finger down the outermost part of your ear, stroke your thighs, and then go for the obvious “feel-good” areas. Tell your partner what you like when you know these areas, or show him or her about what feels best by putting your hand over theirs, guiding them to the spot and showing them how to mimic the motions.
If you feel self-conscious, experience stress, anxiety, pain or discomfort, speak up as it arises during physical intimacy. Say something (like, “please stop I’m in pain, etc” or “let’s slow down”) or do what’s needed (like, shift your body) to feel at ease in the moment.
- Use the right lubricant — Dryness, like wetness, can come and go throughout a sexual encounter. Also, women rarely get the 20-minutes foreplay (kissing, fooling around, or oral sex) needed to increase arousal and feel more connected. That’s to say there are many health conditions and circumstances that make it difficult to produce ample amounts of lubrication.
The most common culprits: hormonal shifts (including childbirth, breastfeeding, and menopause), allergies, anti-estrogen drugs and other medications and supplements, medical treatments (including radiation and chemotherapy) , and surgical procedures (like removal of the ovaries).
Solution: Wetter can feel better. Add a lubricant during solo and partnered sex, whether it’s for vulva or vaginal touch or penetration (start with a squirt of lube the size of a dime and increase the amount as needed. Use it on your vulva and vagina where you’re being stimulated or on his penis).
There are three common types of lubricants —water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. It’s best to use liquid instead of a messy jelly consistency. If you’re using latex condoms, avoid oil-based lubricants like baby oil, body lotion, or lubes. As a side note, don’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, as it causes the toys to deteriorate.
- Get that itching and burning checked out — Itching and burning could be the sign of infection for both men and women, and it’s best to go to your GP to find out what’s behind it. If it coincides with sex, and you know it’s not a recurring yeast, bacterial, or viral infection, it could be an allergy to latex or nonoxynol 9 (N-9), a spermicidal lubricant often found on condoms and used with a cervical cap or diaphragm. If vaginal dryness is the culprit, lube is a likely remedy.
Solution: Switch to a different type of condom. The other options are polyurethane, and lambskin. A few things to keep in mind: Polyurethane and lambskin can be used with oil-based lube. And lambskin condoms only reduce the risk of pregnancy, not sexually transmitted diseases (if a partner is infected). If N-9 allergy seems to be an issue, find condoms that don’t have spermicidal lubricant on them. And switch from a cervical cap or diaphragm to a different method of contraception.
- Do something different — Sometimes it’s a position shift or trying something new that can instantly make sex more satisfying and exciting.
Solution: When you’re in any sexual position, try shifting — up, down, right, or left —to elevate arousal or minimize musculoskeletal discomfort and pain. For some situations — such as when, during doggy style, his penis is hitting your cervix and creating a cramping sensation — a shift can make a change in a split second. Propping problem areas under pillows can also make sex more comfortable.
Since most women don’t climax from vaginal penetration alone, focus on the clitoris. After all, the sole purpose of this hot spot is for pleasure. Using a sex toy like the popular bullet shape — which easily slides between two people — boosts your arousal and increases your orgasmic ability. Or discover other erogenous areas like the g-spot, which can be detected once you’re turned on.
Fantasy, whether it’s a thought of something sexy or erotic that’s happened in the past or a mental movie of something you want to unfold, can fast-track desire and arousal from 0 to 60. And role-playing (by using sexy lingerie), whether you’re pretending to be someone or somewhere else, can reinvigorate a sexual relationship.